The Day I Laughed So Hard I Spit Water All Over Myself and Nearly Wet My Pants or The Reason Behind the Tampon Sewn to My Husband's Head

So...for a while now, Chris has had a sebaceous cyst on the top of his noggin. It has gotten increasingly larger until you could actually see it through his hair. Some people have shown great concern over the 'lump' thinking he has injured himself. We have been affectionately referring to it as his 'ball of fatty' (you'll get that, Amy). Well, today was the day it was finally time to say goodbye.

The proceedure went well and once the cyst was removed there really wasn't much to worry about other than the bald spot on the top of his head that we were trying figure out how to cover up. The Dr. left the room and his 2 medical assistants were left to sew things up and send us on our way. They were almost finished when they started talking about 'sewing' some gauze to the scalp to help keep things clean.

I figured I must have misunderstood...I thought, oh, it'll be fine. It'll just be a little square and it'll look like a bandage, that's all.

NOPE! Not even close!

We walked out to the car, and then it really started. Chris started saying, "this is so lame. " "I look ridiculous!" "What am I supposed to do about Bishopric meeting tomorrow night." I couldn't help laughing because of his reaction. And because I was picturing him all dressed up in his suit with this cotton sewn to him. Then it occurred to both of us...the appointment to remove the gauze isn't until next Monday...and it's his month to conduct Sacrament Meeting this month...and it's the Primary Program on Sunday (so there will be lots of people there - and visitors). So we started coming up with viable solutions - like, maybe he could go to the Jewish ward and wear a yarmelke, or maybe we could pretend he has the mumps and tie a scarf around his head, or maybe he could wear one of the flowers our girls like to wear in their hair....and on and on.

As we were having this conversation, he kept looking at himself in the mirror and making the same comments as he did at first and it got me totally laughing. We were driving down the road, and I was cracking up, and so, so worried that I was going to either crash or wet my pants (or maybe both) and then he says, "It looks like I have a stinkin' tampon sewn to my head!" I totally lost it...I had a drink of water in my mouth that I spit all over myself, and I truly thought I was going to wet myself.

Because, he had a point...

Some Girls Have All the Luck...

(do you have that Rod Stewart song in your head now?...sorry)

It all started back in 2003 (shoot! have I lost you already?) I went to the mailbox in the springtime and there was a letter from the state department of revenue. I eagerly opened the letter expecting my tax refund. Instead, I was met with a most unfriendly letter from them explaining that, due to some unpaid fees in another county, I would not be receiving my refund this year...they had used it to pay the fees.

Instantly, my untrusting mind thought...'What did Chris do?!...and when was he even IN that county to DO it?!' Oh boy, was I on the war-path. After numerous reassurances on his part that he had nothing to do with this (and his own accusations flung my way - relax! we were just playing), I called the county involved to try to get to the bottom of all this nonsense.

After a little bit of digging, we were able to determine that a certain fellow - with whom I was not acquainted - was arrested back in 1990 (when I was living out of the country)...and he gave MY social security number at the time of his arrest. Since that time, he had been arrested several times and had recently been released from prison. As part of his sentence, there was some restitution to be paid...enter my tax return.

After several heated calm, cool conversations I found someone who had sympathy on me and helped me out. He removed my ssn from my new 'friend's' record and I went on my merry way...thinking nothing more of it.

Oh, how naiive can I be?!

Fast forward to today. I unsuspectingly stepped out to the mailbox to see what fun awaited me there, and much to my happy surprise, there was my state tax return. I thought, "hooray! now I can buy some shorts, because it's stinking hot here!" Ah, but no! no new shorts for me today.

As luck would have it, my 'friend' has found himself in a little bit more hot water. He again owes money to a government agency for restitution, and he is again - or still - using my ssn. As of this moment, I have spoken to about 5 government agencies, 1 lawyer, 1 fraud investigator for the police department and anyone else who would lend a sympathetic ear. And yet...no resolution. *sigh*

It seems I have to go to court in another city (nowhere near where I live) to prove I'm me. Then I have to fill out a trillion and one papers and have them notarized so the police can investigate and hopefully deport arrest this guy once and for all (Thank heaven for my very smart law-knowing brother who pointed out to me that I should call the police because first and formost, this is a crime after-all and there need to be charges brought up against this guy for the NUMEROUS counts of fraud he has committed by repeatedly using my ssn). Then I get to contact the social security bureau and change my ssn...which should sufficiently screw things up from now 'til forever...good-bye social security account...it was nice knowin' ya.

And how much money did they get out of me? How much did the city end up with after all is said and done? $30! THIRTY DOLLARS! 3-0! My phone bill will be more than that by the time I have this all straightened out!

Watch this.
It's not even 2 minutes long, but it's beautiful.
It has made me feel happy today.
(Thanks, Suzy, for sending it)

'FUN'd Raisers

Yesterday afternoon, a 'discussion' of sorts began between my daughter Hannah and I. She was presenting me with a well thought-out argument in favor of us participating in this year's cookie dough fund raiser for the school. I patiently explained (for the umpteen jillionth time) that we don't normally participate in fund raisers like these because I don't feel safe sending her door to door to solicit for her school.

She was crushed.

There were tears.

And then, in one last, empassioned and tearful plea, she shouted, "Mom! They're supposed to be FUN! That why they call them FUNd Raisers!"

"Yes, Hannah...this IS fun."

What I've been up to...

I thought I'd post some pictures of some of the things I've been doing with my time lately.

First, Lorena posted about these blocks at Christmas time and I knew they would be the perfect gift for someone...so I had to make them. Lorena, I hope you don't mind that I copied your idea...right down to the color scheme. They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right? I hope the someone they're for will forgive me for sending them closer to Valentine's Day than Christmas. Thanks for the great idea, Lorena. Here's how mine turned out:

I've been really enjoying learning another new hobby (yeah, I'm sure Chris is thrilled that there's ANOTHER one), too. I love the hand stamped jewelry I've been seeing around, so I have been playing around with that, too.

I made myself this necklace (mainly because I was making it for someone else, and kinda messed up...can you find my boo-boo?)...

I also made this one...its for my niece who's getting married in March. It has their monograms. I love it! Isn't it SO cute? I can't wait to give it to her at her bridal shower this weekend. No peeking, Sara.

So, that's what I've been up to lately. Now, I have got to finish posting about Thanksgiving, Christmas and everything else...but that'll be another day!

I actually won something!

I never win anything...really...

Apparently, there was this long, on-going joke in my husband's family that the Jensen name is cursed and that if your last name is Jensen you'll have the worst luck. Did they bother telling me this before I married into the curse and had my name legally changed?

NO!

This post changed everything.

Now I can enjoy my good fortune while listening to my new CD.

Thanks Celia Fae!

Thanksgiving - Part 2

So, this is about the 100th time I've sat down to do this post. Sheesh! I just need to get it overwith already. I'm slow because I hate uploading pictures. Someone please teach me about picasa! And please bear with me...this is very 'travel-log-y'...but it's for posterity.

The day after Half Moon Bay was Chris' birthday, so we celebrated by heading up to the city for a little adventure. We debated about where we'd rather go. I really wanted to go to Monterey and the aquarium there. Dave (Chris' dad) really wanted to go to the new Academy of Sciences Museum in San Francisco. After comparing prices, and asking around we decided to go to the new museum in S.F.

The lines were long, but we were brave...we got to see things like this: It's a jelly...

And this...

again...don't judge the hair...it was HOT and humid in there.

Then we left the aquarium part and went to eat possibly the most expensive lunch I've ever eaten...although it was pretty tasty!

There's a rainforest exhibit that's really cool. We walked past it a dozen or so times wishing the line would die down, but it just kept getting longer. We decided to brave it and even though it was winding thru the whole building, it only took about 30 minutes for us to get in. It was so neat inside. The kids loved being able to see the HUGE butterflies, and tiny little red frogs, etc.

The frog in this picture is about the size of a quarter. We almost missed seeing them because they're so teeny.

This lady was trying to take a picture and this butterfly landed on her hand as she did. There were butterflies everywhere.

Chris, Grandpa Dave, and the girls. Thanks for the fun day, Grandpa!

Once we left the museum, we decided to head down to Pier 39 and mill around a bit.

At church Sunday, a friend suggested we take a ferry to Sausalito and grab a quick ice cream cone and head back...so the kids were all excited to ride on a boat since they had never been on one before. Well, we kind of got mixed up on the directions, and as it turns out, you can't catch the ferry from Pier 39, so we ended up doing the bay cruise instead (at a much higher cost, for sure). We had a little wait before we got on, so the kids played around on the pier nearby.

It was kind of chilly (why do I always forget that it's cold there) and overcast, but it was beautiful.

It was super cold on the boat, but it was so beautiful. The sun was setting and it was gorgeous. I must've taken 100 pictures. The cutest kids on earth...seriously...I am in LOVE with this picture.


On a chilly boat ride out under the Golden Gate Bridge...you can barely see the bridge behind the kids.

My super-talented-picture-taking-skill picture of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Alcatraz...which I have never been to before because Chris thinks it's boring and won't take me...one of the bummers of being married to someone who's 'been there, done that'...he doesn't want to do it again...

A beautiful sunset on the San Francisco Bay.

We grabbed some dinner and headed home for some birthday cake for the birthday boy!

Happy Birthday, Sweetie! We love you!