Monday, September 14, 2009

The Day I Laughed So Hard I Spit Water All Over Myself and Nearly Wet My Pants or The Reason Behind the Tampon Sewn to My Husband's Head

So...for a while now, Chris has had a sebaceous cyst on the top of his noggin. It has gotten increasingly larger until you could actually see it through his hair. Some people have shown great concern over the 'lump' thinking he has injured himself. We have been affectionately referring to it as his 'ball of fatty' (you'll get that, Amy). Well, today was the day it was finally time to say goodbye.

The proceedure went well and once the cyst was removed there really wasn't much to worry about other than the bald spot on the top of his head that we were trying figure out how to cover up. The Dr. left the room and his 2 medical assistants were left to sew things up and send us on our way. They were almost finished when they started talking about 'sewing' some gauze to the scalp to help keep things clean.

I figured I must have misunderstood...I thought, oh, it'll be fine. It'll just be a little square and it'll look like a bandage, that's all.

NOPE! Not even close!




We walked out to the car, and then it really started. Chris started saying, "this is so lame. " "I look ridiculous!" "What am I supposed to do about Bishopric meeting tomorrow night." I couldn't help laughing because of his reaction. And because I was picturing him all dressed up in his suit with this cotton sewn to him. Then it occurred to both of us...the appointment to remove the gauze isn't until next Monday...and it's his month to conduct Sacrament Meeting this month...and it's the Primary Program on Sunday (so there will be lots of people there - and visitors). So we started coming up with viable solutions - like, maybe he could go to the Jewish ward and wear a yarmelke, or maybe we could pretend he has the mumps and tie a scarf around his head, or maybe he could wear one of the flowers our girls like to wear in their hair....and on and on.


As we were having this conversation, he kept looking at himself in the mirror and making the same comments as he did at first and it got me totally laughing. We were driving down the road, and I was cracking up, and so, so worried that I was going to either crash or wet my pants (or maybe both) and then he says, "It looks like I have a stinkin' tampon sewn to my head!" I totally lost it...I had a drink of water in my mouth that I spit all over myself, and I truly thought I was going to wet myself.
Because, he had a point...

14 comments:

Amy B. said...

Okay, I'm about to pee myself!!!! Like 2 drops came out! I'm DYING! Put a pantyliner on top of it and no one will even notice the tampon... or tell him to color the gauze with a sharpie!! HAHAHAHAHA And Ding dong the cyst is gone! Yay!! Okay probably enough laughter at Chris' hygenic head...LOL oh i'm seriously going to run to the bathroom now!!! Poor Chris. It'll have to be a lesson in humility. Tell him to 'think Dave' who never really gets embarassed by anything!

Vanessa said...

just paint it black!! Funny story, poor Uncle Chris. Maybe you can call in sick to church that day...

AIM said...

Carolyn called me tonight and told me I had to go read your blog- this is so hilarious!!! We were both laughing so hard!

AZ Karen said...

AIM...just get it all out before Sunday because he's already so stressed about showing up that way to church (but know that we've both been cracking up about it all day - otherwise I never would have put this on the blog).

Nick and Sheri said...

The pictures make me laugh! It really does look like a tampon, hahaha. I say put a square piece of gauze over it and paint it black. Or just paint the one he has on there black. Maybe even a wig, LOL! Poor Chris. Thanks for the laugh though, I almost wet myself too! :)

Amy B. said...

Okay, this time I really have it!! Get one of those old plastic pink curler holder things.. you know the outside part that snaps on to the curler itself, right? Have him paint it black and silver for his raiders colors and then just attach it to the tampon! Voila!! Now it's like a little tampon protector -but in manly colors!!

MomBabe said...

I. Love. This.

it totally looks like a tampon.

Cookie Mama said...

Poor Chris, I really feel for him. Do they have a 30 day exchange policy at the doctor’s office? I'd take my receipt back in there and ask if you can exchange the gauze. Seriously if the doctor saw that he'd know that he has some very angry men hating assistants.

With all that said, I vote for the yarmulke, just embroider CTR on the top.

AZ Karen said...

Heather - I LOVE that idea. Maybe there's something at Deseret Book I could iron on - because I'm not much of an embroider-er...or maybe your mom has a fancy machine that would do the work for me!

Jen said...

GREAT COMEBACK!! If you disappear for months at a time only to come back w/ an awesome story like this, it is okay w/ me!! Seriously that is hilarious!! Poor Chris. Okay not to make it worse but can you imagine how dirty that white tampon is gonna be a week after being on a head in sweaty arizona?! So gross!! maybe he can get it of friday? What a sport to let you help us all have a better day! Thanks for the laugh Chris!

Karli said...

Seriously, tears are streaming down my face! I haven't laughed so hard in a LONG time. Garrett keeps asking me, "What's that Mommy?" Ha, and he doesn't even know it closely resembles a tampon. Oh the joy and memories this experience will bring for years to come. HILARIOUS! Thank you a million times over for sharing this - totally made my day. I'm off to send this to Jared :)

The Martineaus said...

I can't breathe! Ha ha ha! Can't. stop. laughing!!?

The Scotts said...

That is hilarious!!!!!!!!! What did he end up doing?

lindsay said...

so there's this thing called blogging...it's really fun, and you can post pictures and tell embarrassing family stories or just tell about what is going on in your life AND THEN other people read about it and post witty comments. i think you should give it another chance.